the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
