Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
