I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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