We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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