Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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