Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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