he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize