youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
