I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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