dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
