who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
