How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
