Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
