i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
