I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
...so i touched it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
