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i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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