Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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