I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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