I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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