There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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