the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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