I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
