You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
