I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize