and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
