sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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