I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
