Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm so fucking centered right now

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

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(217): View more from Illinois

chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense

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(419): View more from Ohio

I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.

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(410): View more from Maryland

we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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(404): View more from Georgia

Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet

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