I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
