They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
