How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize