You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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