yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
