I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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