you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
