no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
