I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize