Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
