I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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