Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
