The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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