You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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