the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
