I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
