i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
