I think im going to throw up on grandma
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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