i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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