I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
