It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
