she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
