Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
