is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
