you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So many bounce houses so little time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
