I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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