Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
