I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
