I CAN MOONWALK!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
