sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
