literally had 100 drinks last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
