He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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