i jhust puked up my retainher.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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