You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
