Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
