idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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