so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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