I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
