so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
