I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
