What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
