I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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