Betty ford says i'm here all night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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