If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize